Coffee Date NO. 4: Lets Get Real

May 29, 2018
Hey Y’all. Today we’re going to get real and talk about why I found myself having to force myself to see down and write up blog content. So let’s just jump on in yeah?
I started my blog for fun. That all I had intended it to be. I enjoy writing and taking pictures and that makes the blog a great place. It was so fun at first. Getting to plan shoots and content and outfits. But then, it was like I started comparing my blog to all the others out there on the internet. 
It put me down and I wanted to up my game, but in the blogging community up your game means being willing to spend money. It wasn’t bad at first, just a bit here and there no biggie, right? But a few dollars here and there was never enough it seemed because everyone around me was progressing so much faster than I seemed to be.
I got discouraged. If you follow me through and through you might have noticed I would stop posting, at first a few days then it would be a week, then two. Something I had wanted to do because it made me happy suddenly made me sad and feel bad about myself.
I lost something in me that I’ve only just realized. I fell into the trap of idolizing others and started second guessing my self along the way. I put myself in a box. A box that I didn’t seem to fit in but in my self-doubt and tumble downward into self-pity I kept trying to force the fit.
I did a lot of self-reflecting in the last week I went MIA. I turned to my husband, my heart, and God. And only then did I really find the answers I was looking for. 
Matthew told me I was wonderful, beautiful, strong, and that I could be anything and do anything I want. My heart was telling me not to give up that I needed to keep pressing the things that lit my soul on fire. Turning to God I remembered something;
God does not see the boxes we as a society try to place ourselves in. He only sees the beautiful albeit broke souls, the ones he made in His image. All different, but special, and all needing Him at the same time. 
Romans 5: 2-5 basically says that if we let him, God will help without future, faith in God will bring us joy. Man, that really hit home you know? I feel like God puts random things in front or us to remind us He hears us. 
Today I stumbled across a tweet from someone who attended Hillsong Worship that said, “Who am I that the Highest King would welcome me?- I felt that in my soul!! Who am I that God would think of me? That he thought I was to die for?” 
I was so shocked I sat there for a moment because she is so right. Who are we that He thought us wonderful and worthy?? 
Today I re-learned that I am special in my own way. I don’t need to compare my self to others around me. Life is more than blog comments and views on Instagram. I got so caught up in trying to be great that I forgot I already was. 
I hope you all enjoyed my rambling and taking something from this small part of my soul I laid bare for you. Perfection and comparing myself to others is something I’ll always struggle with, like many of us will. It’s just about being reminded we’re already perfect in our own ways. Until next time friends
Brittany Malone

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